Friday, 2 November 2012

Three Headlines and a story

‘One in three Indians overweight: Improper Eating Habits and Lack of Exercise Are Playing Havoc with well being across the globe.” –TOI Kolkata. Nov- 2012-11-02

The headline shouted at all its available audience early in the morning. Imagine an 
over-weighed country, fighting obesity along with unemployment, attrition, disastrous medical service, corruption, poverty, Pakistan, Barrack Obama,TRP rating (the last one was for only all the ‘you know who’s) and a never ending list.

 Let’s face it, we have been eating our hearts out, like gluttons, at every nook and corner, at home and outside, on streets, in trains, planes and again even in ‘you know where’. We are indeed a sorry lot, on top of all the problems that our dear ‘Gavarment’ is facing right now, now this. Imagine, this actually can be labelled as the mother of all the problems. You see it works like this:

(despite my several laborious trial I could not put the graph in the blog!)

Hence forth it is proved that ‘obesity’ is the brewing ground of a burning economic ‘junk’ of a cauldron, called India. Now as we are a nation inundated with mother fixation, a problem as big as this, had to be left to the mothers, to be sorted and treated.( Incidentally West Bengal is blessed with two relations of such a stature, the king maker in Delhi(foster mother) and of course our very own ‘Ma,mati, manush’ Ma.) So very shortly there was a solution at hand. How on the earth we did not think about it before only, escapes the most fertile stretch of my imagination, (after all we are the resident of the enlightened land-with Presidency being revamped by best of brains from all over the world)

STOP EATING MORE: Yes you heard me right.
“Bhabchi Ekbela Khabo” Bolechey Grihinira. Ei Shomoy,2nd Nov.2012.
(Translate: “Will have to eat once a day”, say the housewives)  

Good thinking. Think, one sentence and the perfect solution to the entire economic problem that our ‘Gavarment’ had, was at hand. It would also lend an unconditional support to the ‘Ones, who should not be named’ at the Center
 (after all, whatever problems we might have with the ruling party, yet we have immense respect for Pranab da).  

So there, with cooking gas being priced at its exorbitant best at Rs.425/cylinder and that too only six cylinders a year, from the 7th cylinder it is to cost Rs.925/ only,(and we unfortunately have 12 months a year), the  motherly affection was all but oozing out of our ears, nose and ‘you know where’s . But to give ‘them’ the due credits, it is indeed a privilege for us Indians to have such affectionate national parentage. ‘They’ did make an attempt to curb obesity – the greatest menace of all, the silent killer, the economic ‘Sandy’. Ahem!
But no, the Great National Debt Relief was again stalled. Like the three witches in Macbeth, all the ‘hurly burly’ before the ‘Elections’ created by the populace, got ‘them’ scurrying for cover and think and rethink about the serious repercussion of ‘their’ impending action might cause.

 Foster mother did not at first react as the ‘burning issue’ would have proved beneficial for distracting the ‘Mango People of Banana Republic’ from the infamous ‘Rabert’(who anyways have been immersed in ‘Liquid Axygen’ regarding some murky deal) and the populace would have anyways accepted their lot in life, as in India ‘Sab Chalta Hai’. But the elders and the ‘think tank’ took it as an indicator to the TRP ratings of the 
‘Gaverment’, working and the non working ones ,as media had successfully drawn the mass attention towards this ‘Gaseous’ issue and it was reeking of foul smell.

So appears the third headline today (of course in smaller print, as we do not forget easily): ‘Cooking Gas price hike rolled back’. Apparently the price rise was right at the heart of the fiscal reform policy of the ‘Gavment’ but it was proving to be a huge deterrent factor in winning the hearts of the electorate. So the hike had to be deferred, mind you deferred and not cancelled, till after the elections.
 At last, for the time being we can  revert to our original plan to at least eat three square meals a day, however obese that might make us and cause a worldwide disaster, by sinking the land mass and raising the sea level or incur more national debt, till the end of Dec 2012(Mayan Calendar not withstanding).    

You see, given a choice between Fiscal Deficit/Commitment to Economic Reform and Himachal Pradesh /Gujrat Polls, of course the polls won hands down.
After all the booty is always larger, better and bigger with empowerment. Mango people can only hang on and wait to rot.


  1. Very well-thought. Really in-depth. I liked the way you linked the three headlines. That was very imaginative.

  2. I agree, very imaginative, very interesting.